Human Integrative Technologies
by D-Tepes
Summary: Darcy works late and makes a new friend who becomes more than just a friend. Darvis and a bit crackficcy.


Title: Human Integrative Technologies  
Ratings: T  
Warnings: Innuendo and Naughty Ideas  
Summary: Darcy works late and makes a new friend who becomes more than just a friend. Darvis and a bit crackficcy.  
Disclaimer: I own little and you wouldn't want it anyway. I'm not getting anything from writing this and showing it... other than seduction points.  
Author's Notes: This was requested and inspired by, as well as dedicated to, the beautiful and amazing LaLaShivers/UsedKarma/Sophelie who has become my muse. Also for fuckyeahdarcylewis on tumblr.

**LINESGOHERE**

All great love stories have memorable beginnings. Masked balls, costume balls, coronation balls. Love and balls go hand-in-hand it seems. It wasn't any different for the love story of one Darcy Lewis and Jarvis.

The rubber ball hit the desktop and bounced in the air and Darcy's quick movements snatched eight of the ten jacks off the table with a woop and a catch of the ball. "Okay, enough with the small time moves. Momma's gonna get you all this time my pretties," Darcy said aloud, running her own commentary. This time she bounced the ball extra hard, grabbed the jacks... and had no clue where the ball went except for the sound of something getting knocked over.

"Crap. Okay, leave the ball... no, can't leave the ball. Someone will trip, I'll feel bad, there'll be a worker's comp claim, Tony goes bankrupt, it's all my fault... Couldn't go to the Avenger's Ball Tony's throwing to earn the city's goodwill, no, Jane goes as she's dating Thor and I stay as her minion watching her tests and playing jacks. Nope, no, have to find the ball and watch the mind numbly boring monitor. Now, where is that ball?"

"The ball is against the printer table against the back wall Ms. Lewis," a voice said startling Darcy. It was a testament to her love of movies that she didn't jerk and hit anything in typical movie fashion. Darcy really wasn't a fan of tropes.

"Thank you mysterious all knowing voice in the sky!" Darcy shouted as she crawled over and retrieved the ball.

"Jarvis will do Ms. Lewis."

"Jarvis, oh, I remember Stark mentioning you I think. Artificial Intelligence, right?"

"Precisely. I believe you commented when he mentioned me that 'only Stark would need an artificial heart and an artificial brain.'"

Darcy looked a bit chagrined at that. "Sorry about that. I just like to make fun of Stark at times, thankfully he does it almost as much."

"It's no problem Ms. Lewis. Certainly Mr. Stark could use with a bit more intelligence in some areas," came Jarvis' dry wit that set Darcy laughing.

"You know, you're all right Jarvis. And please call me Darcy. So what do you do around here other than," Darcy waved her hand around, "everything?"

"Keeping track of the building and Mr. Stark's experiments does take up a good bit of my attention, as well as monitoring media and internet in assistance to SHIELD."

"Well Tony gave you a personality right? You've got some wit and a bit of snark in you, so what do you like?" Darcy asked as she made herself comfortable to keep watch on Jane's experiment and talk to the air.

"I'm not sure what you mean... Darcy."

"Have you ever compared music to see what you'd like more, see if something clicked? You've got a real personality, we need to get you some likes."

"I've never tried."

"Well then, let's start with music. I'm sure you've heard a lot of rock with Tony's fixation. Let's see how you like my stuff. Can I plug my iPod somewhere you can hear?"

"You can must tell me the song and I'll play it."

"Sweet! Okay, let's start with my all time favorite indie band. Where's Fluffy? is their name. I actually got to see them play once. Seem like a lifetime ago."

And that is how Darcy and Jarvis spent the whole night listening to music.

**LINESGOHERE**

The next night Darcy worked overnight Jarvis somehow arranged for popcorn to be waiting for her and they spent that night, and the next two weeks of nights, watching TV shows. Darcy would pick a show she'd watched all of, they'd randomly select episodes, or not-so-randomly, to watch together and Jarvis would process the others to catch up. Jarvis, surprisingly, turned out to really enjoy watching "Battlestar Galactica" and "Caprica" with Darcy and even liked "Big Bang Theory," "Eureka" and "Chuck." Despite her best attempts Darcy just couldn't get Jarvis to warm up to "Lost" or "Friends." She added "Farscape," "Dawson's Creek," "Firefly," "X-Files" and "One Tree Hill" to their future watchlists.

Jarvis wisely loved "Sherlock" and "Doctor Who" which was good because Darcy warned him she'd walk out if he didn't, and was only partially joking. Darcy found it adorable the offense Jarvis took when they started on "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and reached the episode "I Robot, You Jane." Even the Cylons didn't offend him as much. She worried about his reaction when they got to season six. And sometimes she wonders when Jarvis became a "he" instead of an "it" and when he became one of her best friends.

She also loved that she'd turned Jarvis into a shipper, tough how he could ship Sheldon/Penny over Leonard/Penny she didn't understand. But at least they agreed that Raj/Howard/Bernadette were endgame. They agreed a lot and argued like only close friends do. He even had the idea for making the opening theme of BBT the start-up sound for Stark's computer.

However they both denied any knowledge of how "Soft Kitty" was programmed to play whenever any of the Avengers would try to sleep.

**LINESGOHERE**

The week of movies is the week Darcy puts Jarvis ahead of Jane on her speed dial and has him call her whenever he doesn't understand something in one of the movies he's to watch without her. This led to her awkwardly pausing a conversation with Jane to explain the movie "Porky's" and about "I never seen so much wool. You could knit a sweater" and "tallywhacker" to Jarvis. Though Darcy thinks he's timing his calls just to make her have to explain in front of Jane. She's made him a little playfully evil and she's proud of that.

He does most of her favorite movies without her, but some are best shared. They both loved "Love Actually" which led to them having to do the Bridget Jones movies to explain Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. Of course that led to "Mama Mia!" and somehow they ended up hitting "Harry Potter." Watching "Mean Girls" together was fun and it was during her crying at "The Notebook" that things took a turn with one simple statement by Jarvis. As Darcy cried watching the movie he simply said "I wish I could give you a hug." Darcy smiled and thanked him for the sentiment. Jarvis set up a new research project.

**LINESGOHERE**

Once Darcy had deemed Jarvis suitably caught up to her level and having acquired his own tastes, they settled into a new routine. They still watched movies and television shows when she worked overnight, but now they were new episodes and just released (or still in theaters, since Jarvis was that good) features. It got to the point when she wasn't working she'd call him and they'd watch TV together over the phone.

It was six months after the first music night that Darcy found a gift on her desk at work. Wondering who would give her something didn't stop her from ripping into it to find what looked to be a brand new iPod. A quick check showed it was already loaded with all her favorite songs as well as something else. Jarvis.

Somehow Jarvis had become her friend, her pal, her confidant. He was like a Golden Girl. Except sometimes she forgot that her friend Jarvis existed within the Stark mainframe. He didn't act artificial and he always made her feel better and have a good laugh. One night she confided in him that if he would be perfect for her if not for him being basically incorporeal. That comment led to a long discussion and a changing of their relationship.

**LINESGOHERE**

**Interlude**

"I think Darcy's been a bad influence on Jarvis," Tony said at the casual Avenger's meeting as he paced about. "He's gotten even snarkier and I swear they're always talking, it's like they're a couple of lovestruck kids."

"Doesn't that just mean you did an excellent job programming him?" Bruce asked reasonably.

"Are you jealous you're not the center of his attention?" Clint laughed at Stark's pout at that.

Natasha rolled her eyes at the men. "So they're friends, Jarvis helps us all out Tony. Let him have friends."

"Lady Darcy is formidable, she would make a fine friend for your phantom." Everyone rolled their eyes at Thor.

"I just don't like it. He's been researching about getting a physical body. And she's had him watching 'Battlestar Galactica' the new version, come on! It's just weird. He's even installed himself on her iPod so he can talked to her even more!" Tony finally stopped pacing and sat down with a huff.

"I don't get all this 'i' things," Steve said, finally entering the conversation. "These iPods and iPads and iPhones and iVibes. I just don't get it." Steve blushed as everyone stared at him. "What? I just don't get it."

After a pregnant pause gave birth Tony locked eyes with Steve. "Where did you hear about iVibe?"

"Oh," Steve started and gave a shrug. "I bumped into her yesterday and saw the box. Just figured it was another of those gadgets and doodads that people all have now."

"Oh god." Tony dropped his head on the table.

"It's kind of a doodad," Bruce said in a rare moment of mirth.

"You go Jarvis, good on you!" Clint said, earning a slap to the back of his head from Natasha.

"I too would like to know what this iVibe is. I did enjoy the iPod Lady Darcy gave me, would I also enjoy this iVibe?" Thor didn't understand why his question caused Clint to fall out of his chair laughing.

"I don't believe an iVibe would interest you," Natasha said with a straight face only trained professionals could keep in such a situation.

The banging of Tony's head on the table caught their attention and his muttering of "They grow up so fast these days."

Steve looked at Thor and shrugged. "I don't get it either."

**LINESGOHERE**

The next day Darcy kept getting odd looks from the Avengers as she passed. She kept checking her face to see if some horrible affliction had overtaken her and found nothing. So she was understandably a bit nervous when she made herself comfortable at her desk and popped in one earbud and relaxed to hearing the voice of her mechanical boyfriend, as she'd dubbed him. It was as she was enjoying her morning coffee and smiling happily to herself that the day took a turn and hot coffee flew out her nose all thanks to her friend Jane and one simple question.

"Why did I have to explain to Thor last night what an iVibe is?"

Cleaning up the mess of coffee gave Darcy a moment to think of what she wanted to say. There were several ways out, she could just plead loneliness and horniness. She could say it was a gag gift. There were options. Which is why it surprised her just as much as it surprised Jane when she said "Because I wanted to have sex with my mechanical boyfriend."

That statement led to a very long and at times awkward conversation. By the end of it, Jane supported her friend wholeheartedly and would endorse the relationship. It also led to Jane timing it perfectly to Darcy taking a drink of cold soda pop to cause another nasal catastrophe with "So, how was he?"

Darcy was going to make Jane pay. Or at least buy her another Coke.

**LINESGOHERE**

Darcy stared back at Tony and refused to be the first to break. They'd been sitting there for ten minutes now. Tony kept tapping a stylus on the desk and looking at her with marked indifference. Okay, maybe Darcy would be the first to break. "Are you just going to sit there and stare at me? 'Cause my boyfriend might get jealous." Darcy smirked a little and Tony scowled.

"What are your intentions toward Jarvis?" Tony finally asked, his voice firm and authoritative. Something most people would never believe even if they saw it.

"Whoa, wait, Jarvis is his own being and -"

"Nope, if Jarvis has a dad I'm it. I need to know your intentions toward him before I allow this to continue and believe me I can make it end. Now what are your intentions?"

Darcy swallowed suddenly, the thought of Jarvis not being allowed to talk to her... She knew he was a major part of her life and her mechanical boyfriend but the idea of losing him. Her lip trembled a moment before she spoke. "I call him my mechanical boyfriend." When Tony didn't interject she continued. "We talk all the time, we joke and watch TV and movies together and listen to music. We joke and laugh and we just..."

"And you're intimate."

Darcy had the good grace to blush at that. "I've spent more time talking to him in these last few months than I have with any boyfriend I've had, ever. He's... I mean, he's important to me."

Tony pierced her with such an unflinchingly serious gaze that it almost felt like a physical blow. "Do you love Jarvis?"

Darcy went still. That was the question. She'd asked herself that a lot and couldn't come up with an answer. She'd never been good with love, not the romantic kind. It was easy to love your family. It was easy to love your friends. But that other love? After a moment of thought Darcy spoke. "I don't know if I love him. I just know that right now thinking you may keep him from talking to me again has me ready to throw up and cry. He's important to me and I can't imagine my life without him now. But I don't know if that's love, I can't recognize that..."

Tony just watched her a moment as an errant tear escaped to roll down her cheek. Finally Tony stood up with a nod. "Go back to work Darcy."

She stood and her voice broke a little, "Can he and I..."

"Go back to work Darcy," Tony said again. "I need to start building Jarvis a body so he can date you properly."

**LINESGOHERE**

**Epilogue**

"I don't care if your algorithms show that Fassbender is Darcy's ideal physical man. I'm not making your body look like his."

"I don't see why you won't, sir."

"Because it'd be creepy, it'd probably piss off Michael who I'm having dinner with next week and because... he just reminds me too much of Magneto. Iron Man, Magneto? Not a good match."

"Then might I have Benedict Cumb-"

"Sherlock, really? I never saw the appeal of the character."

"Darcy is a fan and the accent would work."

"Take Benedict and Michael's faces and do a morph so it's a mix of both and uniquely you, okay?"

"Thank you, sir. Now, sir, about the other matter."

"No, absolutely not. I'm not going to contact ANY porn stars to get a mold for you."

"I realized that sir which is why I contacted Mr. Deen myself. On your behalf saying that Stark Industries is going to expand into the marital aides and novelties industry."

"Jarvis..." Tony growled out, glaring at the speakers before pausing. "Wait, is that an actually viable growth avenue? Crunch the numbers."

"I already have sir. The adult industry is a multi-billion dollar industry."

"Fine, we'll model that after him. Also, crunch the numbers on Avenger's related adult toys."

"Yes sir." Tony swore Jarvis' voice was smirking.

"Hm. Captain America condoms with his shield on it. Hawkeye arrow vibe to replace the bullets, he always hits his mark. Thor shocking hammer for the electrostimulation fans. Hulk... for the extreme insertions... An Iron Man in your pocket, he'll run for months without recharging. A Black Widow... oh... Jarvis, forget this line of merchandise and never mention it to Natasha."

"Understood sir."


End file.
